You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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