Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
