Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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