I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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