Farmville is her only friend.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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