i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Randomize
