So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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