You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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