Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
