i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize