I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize