She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
