Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
