He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize