Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
