so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
