Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
