Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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