saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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