i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
