ya dads aren't the best wingmen
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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