Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
