Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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