Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Acid is not a monday night drug
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
