Your dad touched me again.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
