This is not my ceiling
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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