Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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