i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
