The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I FOUND THE LEGS
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize