You're so nebulous sometimes
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
