How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Enjoy the penises
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
