i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
