if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Buhtt sex?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
