i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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