u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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