and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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