We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
