I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
