my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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