so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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