and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
