Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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