I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
