Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
