Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
