You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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