Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
