You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
