I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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