I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize