It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
