It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
