Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
