so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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