At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
