hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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