My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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