Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
