He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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