its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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