I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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