Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
