you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
