If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
