She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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