Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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