Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
