I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
