Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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