May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
