People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
