never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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