He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
