I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dear god my vagina.
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