just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize