My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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